July/August 2014 Issue
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Healing the Hurt in Love with Astrology
This article was written by Olivia
posted under Astrology
|Imagine this scenario: you just had a major argument with your lover. Heís angry, and youíre licking your emotional wounds. Communication is zero. What do you say next? What should you never say? |
Communication is the biggest stumbling block on the uphill climb to a great relationship. Naturally, itís easy to communicate when times are Kodak perfect, but when problems arise and hurt raises its wounded head, most of us would rather die (and often lie) than admit how crushed we feel.† Pride gets in the way and our deepest feelings are never expressed.† But that doesnít have to happen. Astrology can guide us towards saying the right thing, in the right way . . . to make everything right again.
Aggressive Mars has blessed you with a mega dose of self-confidence, and you wonít need to wait for your lover to speak first. Youíre not afraid of saying whatís on your mind, but your quick temper often stops you from hearing your partnerís point of view (or hearing his or her red hot howl as your anger hits home.) So wait until you cool down before trying to communicate. Your partner probably loves how direct you areóand if you temper your temper with tact (not always your strong point) you should be able to communicate without having to call 911. The lesson for you Aries is: keep your cool and keep your lover.
When you have an argument, Taurus, the trauma to your secure world registers 9.5 on the Richter scale. Just donít retreat into a stubborn position where your angry silence becomes deafening. Think of it this way: your relationship may be wounded, but unless you respond to your loverís attempts to talk, it may not survive! When pride stops you from speaking, begin communicating by simply slipping your hand into his or hers. Your ruling planet, loving Venus, will do the rest. This is the kind of positive silence that can heal any hurt. Then practice this lesson Taurus: have the courage to speak whatís in your heart.
The argument was over an hour ago Gemini, and youíre still talking as fast as you can! Mercury, the planet of communication, makes words your ally, but often they shoot off your tongue with the impact of 45-caliber bullets. Your problem is not slowing down long enough to think things through before speaking, or to really listen to your lover. Wit and charm are your saving grace, so why not use them to bridge the gap that divides you? Donít give in to sarcasm, just use gentle humor to ease the tension and let your lover know that you want to communicate. The lesson for you Gemini is: remember that love is a two-way speak.
Your astrological symbol is the Crab, and during an argument youíre likely to crawl into your shell and disappear. Yes, we know how much you fear rejection, but that can make communicating with you almost impossible without a loudspeaker. When you do talk, resist playing the victim, because that will only push your lover farther away. Your ruling planet, the Moon, gives you the gift of empathy, so use this unique ability to tune into someone elseís feelings. Once you feel your partnerís hurt along with your own, it will open your heart to communication. The lesson for you Cancer is: use your sensitivity and not your sensitiveness.
When a lover hurts your pride, one can almost hear the lion dangerously swishing its tail, ready to attack. You want a partner who will make you feel loved and respected, and never bruise your ego. But even the best relationships often fall flat on a slip of the tongue. So instead of hiding behind ego defenses of rationalizations, or even flat out denial, try some honest communication. The more icy cold you feel, the more you should let your ruling Sun warm your heart. Then you will be your true self: strong enough to show regret, generous with emotions and with forgiveness.† The lesson for you Leo is: youíll look fantastic in humilityówear it with pride.
You have the talent to turn worry into an art form, Virgo, and you can easily obsess over an argument with your lover. You analyze every word and replay the scenario a million times. Let go of those nagging doubts about your own self worth, and use your ruler Mercury, the planet of communication, to reach out with love. Arguments can turn lovers into strangers, so make sure that youíre not communicating from a superior distance. Instead, get up close and personal, never forgetting that this is still the fabulous person you fell in love with in the first place. The lesson for you Virgo is: do more feeling and less thinking.
You love harmony, Libra, and a loverís battle can really upset your equilibrium (your symbol is the balance scales, remember?) A stressful relationship can actually affect your health, but luckily your ruling planet Venus knows how to restore harmony. Only be careful!† Loving Venus tends to bend over backwards to compromise, and you risk giving up whatís really important to you in exchange for a temporary truce. Since nobody is as skilled and charming a diplomat, the next time youíre ready to open talks on domestic policy, donít be shy about asking for what you really want and need.†† The lesson for you, Libra, is: use your famous tact, but keep your own Self intact.
Mars and Pluto rule Scorpio, and they give you great intensity and power. However, after an argument these strengths can make you seem as approachable as a volcano ready to erupt again at any moment. Take time to be alone. Let those volcanic fires subside. Then, instead of suspecting the worst and planning a pre-emptive strike on your loverís very tender Achilles heel, send out some loving gamma rays. Approach communication with less suspicion and try to give your lover the benefit of your doubt. Otherwise, even if he or she passes five lie detector tests, every future promise will be colored by your suspicions.† The lesson for you Scorpio is: trust your love to do the right thing.
Your ruling planet Jupiter helps to make you easy to communicate with, as your faith and optimism are working 24/7 to make your relationship the best it can be. However, because you prefer the world of abstract ideas, learn to be patient if your lover shows emotion in anger or even in tears. Resist any phrases that may sound condescending. Try to communicate without preaching, and watch out for a tendency to promise more than anyone can deliver in one lifetime. You mean well, but the letdown can be harsh if you donít walk the talk.† The lesson for you Sagittarius is:† Dream about the future but love in the moment.
With disciplined Saturn as your ruling planet, you sometimes have to plan to be spontaneous! That means that after an argument, you waste no time in nailing down a date and place where you will communicate with your lover. Start by using some of your opposite signís sensitivity and compassion (Cancer, of course). Have you noticed that the more you stay out of touch with your feelings, the more depressed you become? So spend some quality time with yourself and practice becoming your own best friend. Realize that making mistakes is only human and thereís no such thing as a perfect lover, not even you! The lesson for you Capricorn is: Concentrate on your feelings instead of your failings.
Although one of the most progressive people on the planet, youíre not always warm and wonderful with your lover. Most arguments produce the kind of emotion that makes you want to run for the nearest exit. So after a battle of the sexes, he or she might want to cuddle, but youíll be thinking of taking up residence in Turkey! You become too detached and cool, and your partner feels the chill.† Itís great that youíre never concerned about making people feel important, but after an argument, thatís the time to let your partner know that he or she is at least as important to you as global warming!† The lesson for you Aquarius is: be strong enough to be vulnerable.
Thereís no lover as sensitive as Pisces, the last sign in the zodiac. You want to merge your heart, soul, and body with your lover.† Only Neptune, the planet of illusion, often clouds your vision and masks reality. So after an argument, when itís time to communicate honestly whatís in your head and heart, be sure that youíre speaking to the real person and not to the fantasy. Then, instead of tears and emotion that come so easily, channel your emotions into calmly articulating whatís hurting. Use your vivid imagination (which gives you that talent to paint unforgettable images) to help get your ideas across. The lesson for you Pisces is: Keep your head when talking with your heart.
Olivia (New Mexico) is a professional astrologer with over twenty years of experience counseling clients with relationship concerns and questions. She is a popular guest on radio talk shows and has been featured in national magazines and newspapers both... Read more
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