In my first book, Erotic Astrology: About Him, For Her, I guided lovers in the art of seduction, surely one of life's most exciting adventures.
Now I assume that you and your lover have been joyfully seduced, that you are committed to each other (legally or otherwise), and that you are now ready to embark on your second great adventure: living together!
Make no mistake, this second journey is more dangerous than the first. It promises emotional risks, hairpin turns of temper, and perilous currents of jealousy-emotions you might never suspect of that calm and together person you see in the mirror. One minute you'll scale great heights of passion, only to lose your footing and plunge into the darkness of second thoughts.
But ah, the heights! Those moments of euphoria when not just your bodies but your hearts and minds merge. When compassion and love flow between you; when you begin to speak what is in your heart and your lover whispers, "I know." The communion beyou is silent and complete. Once those sweet rewards are tasted, the thought of a solitary life seems like a starvation diet.
However, just as seduction is an art, so is living together. Now, I don't mean relationof convenience. We all know couples who stay together simply not to be alone. They end up like The Odd Couple, barely tolerating each other and paying for it with strange rashes and hard-to-diagnose stomach cramps. No, what I'm talking about is having the union we all dream about-when the passionate connection between lovers grows into a deep bond. However, it's the nitty-gritty, the everyday give and take in a relationship that teaches us to grow mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. So, the road to a perfect union may be uphill, but with a little astrological push, you'll make it just fine.
Heaven only knows!
Astrology helps you to understand the multifaceted being you love (whose underwear is decorating your bathroom). Too often we wake from the honeymoon in shock. Where did that nasty temper come from? Tight-fisted with money? Lack of imagination in bed? No, this cannot be the perfect person with whom I signed a two-year lease!
Fortunately, astrology gives you insight into the full spectrum of your lover's soul. Just by knowing your lover's birth date, you can understand his or her Sun sign and the planeenergies that rule it.
The magnificent Sun represents the ego and your need to individuate, to be your own person; it represents your need for creativity, self-expression, and a positive self-image. The Sun also shows how you go about creating that impressive, smart, dynamic god or goddess you dream of being.
It's important to realize that you're either an evolved soul or still in kindergarten. Yes, there are many lovers "on the path" between those two points, but for those who have been around the cosmos a few times (in various incarnations), they're now in the "graduschool" of life. These lovers hold the brass ring on life's merry-go-round: real honest-to-goodness adults, accepting responsibility even when life tests their souls. At the other end of the spectrum is the kindergarten class posing as grownups. They wreak havoc in any relationship with their infantile needs, turning love into a romance of whine and roses!
This book is about the emotional problems you might encounter with your lover, but remember, these problems can be minimized (even totally eliminated) with a mature soul mate. If your lover's still sucking on an emotional pacifier, be brave if you really care-the going may get rough.
There's more of you to love than your Sun sign!
I've also given you the chart to find your lover's Moon sign (see appendix). While the Sun is termed masculine in astrology and represents the father, so the Moon is its feminine counterpart and signifies the mother-the lunar yin to the solar yang. It's the Moon that speaks of our innermost feelings and how giving we are in nurturing our lovers.
While the Sun and Moon give great insight, they by no means give us the whole astropicture. Imagine a wheel (the horoscope) composed of twelve houses, each signia different part of our lives: work, love, children, health, friends, relationships, and so on. Only by knowing the exact time and place of birth can we determine what sign is placed in the first house, known as the Ascendant, or Rising Sign. It represents the "face" we show to the world, confirming that what you see is not necessarily what you get! The Ascendant also determines, to a great extent, one's health and physical appearance.
After reading this book, you may say, "Wait a minute! My Cancer lover's personality refits the Capricorn profile." Once you have your lover's personal horoscope, you may discover that his or her Rising Sign is indeed Capricorn, or multiple planets are in CapriAdd to this astrological puzzle the exact placements and aspects of all the other planin the heavens, and just imagine the endless configurations, the fascinating possibilities. Astrology is a never-ending adventure of discovery-just like love.
What was it that you didn't say?
Communication is what this book is all about. It's the biggest stumbling block you'll face on that uphill climb to a great relationship. Naturally, it's easy to communicate when times are good . . . there are long talks in bed, whispered secrets. It's your lover's shoulder you cry on, your lover's voice you long to hear when you're apart. But! When problems arise and hurt raises its wounded head, you'd rather die (or at least lie) than admit how crushed you are. Pride gets in the way, and it's not easy confessing how insecure you feel. Your most important words go unsaid. Your deepest feelings are never expressed.
Most of us have little experience communicating during an argument without angry attacks. Often, the best we can do is simply shut down, close off our emotional connecand stew in the sour juice of hurt feelings. The other person isn't a mind reader, so he or she reacts negatively to the arctic drafts. A typical reaction (unspoken or not) is, "Oh, so you're not talking? Well, two can play that game." Suddenly, both of you are silent and frustrated, each one feeling righteously indignant and waiting, just waiting, to be apto feel the touch of a hand, to have it all made right again.
Unless the unspoken hurt and anger are healed, they can slowly undermine the founof love and trust.
What lies at the bottom of it all? What are the underlying tensions that were never brought into the light? I call them the Triple-Headed Hydra: Sex, Money, and Power. No matter how deeply in love or personally enlightened you are, at some point in your advenof living together you'll confront this nasty beast. I'm here to help you discover its hiding places and off with its heads!
So, let's begin our journey through the twelve signs to see how each of us approaches a long-term commitment, the challenge of love after sex. I promise this will be a guideunlike any other, and when you get to the last page, it will be time for a new beginYou'll return to your relationship revitalized and wiser, with a new sense of who you are and who it is you really love.