The Family Connection
Most of our past-life connections are with family members. Whether you realize it or not, we choose our parents before we are born. This selection is made to assist us with working on some of the most intense issues regarding emotional security, trust, guilt, and even fear. Parents represent our very first relationships, and they give us the chance to work out our soul's lessons early in life. If we don't, we later draw lovers or partners to help us learn and complete the process. Our most meaningful relationships are designed for the soul's growth. Even the negative ones have something to offer. Have you ever heard someone say, "I married my mother!" If you see yourself in that statement, there's likely an issue you need to work out with mom that you didn't. Now you have drawn to you a partner with a similar personality to help you do just that.
I have heard many people comment on how close they are to their family. On the other hand, there are just as many who are estranged from their kinfolk. It's how we choose to react to our environment that makes or breaks relationships. If we look at our family problems and relationships from a spiritual standpoint, we can gain much insight. Let's say you grew up in an emotionally cold or abusive family. Rather that dwelling on the negative and blaming your parents for everything that's wrong with your life, why not look at the situation and choose to grow from it? Use the experience to understand and help others in similar circumstances. You could become a therapist and help children of abuse. You'd certainly have an understanding of their plight if you grew up in such a challenging environment.
Perhaps in a former lifetime you grew up in a wealthy family and wanted for nothing. In a current lifetime you may be born into poor relations. Your soul may have chosen this path to become less materialistic and gain empathy for those who are less fortunate.
Sometimes a soul has a strong desire to repay a family member for their love and kindness. Let's say in a former lifetime your mother was a "saint," who sacrificed everything for you. In your current lifetime you are repaying the favor, and she is now your child. You feel a strong desire to take care of her.
I know that I had a former lifetime with my father. Then, and in my current incarnation, he was very good to me. When my mother died in this lifetime, I immediately moved back home to live with my dad so he wouldn't be alone. There was nothing to think over. I just did it. It was the right and only thing to do. My husband was very upset that I uprooted our family. My business was booming and the kids were happily settled in school. It would have been easier to leave the situation just the way it was and visit my dad on weekends, but I never considered any other alternatives. Moving and dropping everything was what was I supposed to do. I believe it was a promise from one soul to another made eons ago.
Over the course of many different lifetimes, the roles we play in our relationships get reversed. There are givers and takers, teachers and students, parents and children. Sometimes we play the same role over and over, too. It's a repetitive cycle. We also can repeat mistakes and lessons. If there is bad blood between family members, at some point it must be washed away. So if Dad and little Joe don't agree to disagree, they will start a continual pattern, that will follow them from lifetime to lifetime, until one soul acts in a spiritually responsible way and ends the negative cycle. For example, there could be generations of abuse in a family. Until someone works to end the cycle, the indignity will repeat itself not only from generation to generation, but lifetime to lifetime. Roles are often reversed so everyone knows what it feels like to be on the receiving end. The victim becomes the abuser, and the abuser the victim. Trying to right a wrong becomes more difficult with each lifetime.
You reap what you sow.
For every action there is a reaction.
Whatever you put out comes back to you.
Such is the law of karma.
If someone chooses to reincarnate into a specific family to pay back karma or rectify a situation, what about kids who are adopted? These souls may have a very special type of karma, or at the very least, the birth mother does. The child's soul has agreed to be born into one family, but recognizes the birth mother is a tool or vehicle to get into the family he or she is "supposed to be with."
Adoption is no coincidence. Being adopted myself, I know I was destined to be raised by my "dad." Perhaps my birth mother was repaying a debt to my adoptive family by helping them have a child. Many times a couple that can't have children are given the opportunity through another woman. The people may never know one another, but their souls do. Having a child for someone else is one of the most unselfish acts a soul can perform.
Many people reincarnate in "soul groups." These are the souls born into the same families over many lifetimes. Some souls naturally gravitate towards certain groups of people who have "agreements" to come back together. Many times soul groups are born during a particular period in time or in a generation to learn specific lessons. They may find themselves working together for a unified cause, fighting a war in a specialized unit or even working third shift in a hospital emergency ward. One example of a soul group may be children born right before the Great Depression. These folks needed to be part of that learning experience. What about those that fought in Vietnam? Likely a soul group. And those that died in the tragedy of 9/11? Definitely a soul group.
The people who perished that tragic day sacrificed a longer earthly life to make a statement and teach the world lessons about compassion and spirituality, among other things. Their unselfish act made a difference in the entire world. It was their soul's contract to leave the earth plane at this specific time and be a part of something that would change history and alter life as we know it. Circumstances put their physical bodies at the World Trade Center that fateful day or on one of the hijacked planes. Consciously, they didn't have a clue, but on a soul level they understood what their spiritual mission was. I feel this particular soul group's demise was a contribution to society and may have very well set the stage for the end of terrorism. A contract was made long before they were born into this lifetime, perhaps to be a part of 9/11. No doubt you've heard the story of the man who was supposed to report to work that day at the World Trade Center and decided to go in a little late. Why were some people there and others not? Don't chalk it up to luck or even coincidence. They weren't a part of this particular soul group. But those who were aboard the planes that hit the Twin Towers were.
What about the astronauts who died aboard the space shuttles Columbia and Challenger? The victims and survivors of the Holocaust? The people aboard the Titanic? There are millions of soul groups all over the world working out issues or repaying karmic debt on an unconscious level. What is the lesson or message these souls want to share? Sometimes we get it right away, and sometimes it takes us a little longer to figure it out. But when people perish in tragedies and under bizarre circumstances, especially in groups, understand that their passing may have been part of a large contract between many souls. It was their time to go. Their fate. Their destiny and soul's choice.
Most souls that reincarnate connect with others they felt close to in former lifetimes. Think of all of the families, lovers, and friends that were torn apart over the past hundreds of years, either due to famine, disease, or war. They come back to lovingly reunite or work on unfinished business . . . and some to save the world.
People who belong to a soul group may or may not live their life in the national news headlines. But together, they are working on the same issues or toward a similar goal. They feel a strong bond and need to be together. Usually groups are made up of three or more individuals. They sense a camaraderie of some sort and often come together under unique or unusual circumstances, and some in the strangest of coincidences. They don't necessarily stay together forever. Some are connected through many lifetimes. It is more likely when the mission of the group is completed that the people in the group go their separate ways.
A client of mine named Barbara was fired from her medical job in Atlanta. There was no logical reason for the firing, but there was a spiritual one. She found work in a little Georgia town a few hundred miles away that put her in touch with a small group of dedicated people working on developing a clinic to help homeless people. Barbara took the lower-paying job, feeling this was where she needed to be at the time, and quickly made friends with her co-workers. They were one big, happy family. During a regression session, Barbara reconnected to a previous lifetime in which she and her current co-workers were aiding soldiers in a makeshift hospital during the Civil War. The hospital was set on fire by the Yankees, and many people, including Barbara and her co-workers, lost their lives as they tried to rescue the wounded from the burning infirmary. Their lives cut short, they all were born again into this lifetime to continue where they left off. They all felt a strong urge to complete their mission and a "connection" with one another.
Once the fundraising was complete and the clinic established, new people were hired and the "founders" were slowly weeded out, left to go their own way and off in new directions. Their karma had been completed. The soul group had accomplished what it set out to do. All agreed that their job was finished there.
Almost everyone you meet who plays a significant role in your life or makes a "difference" in some way is likely a past-life connection. A person with whom we have a past-life connection is not necessarily a soul mate. Bonds from previous incarnations are formed with many people over the span of numerous lifetimes. Some of these connections are quite positive, while others are negative. That's why you experience a feeling of déjà vu or familiarity with certain individuals. People come and go in our lives everyday. It's the people who make an impact that we need to take note of.
No relationship that is truly important to us can be "neutral." It's either very positive or very negative. You should warmly embrace all of your past-life connections, whether they be "good" or "bad." Be especially thankful for the challenging ones, because in them you have an opportunity to release heavy karma. Please keep in mind that even if a relationship ends badly, your soul can still learn, grow, and heal from the connection. Perhaps the other person's soul is needing to make a connection for their soul's growth as well. These relationships need not always be intense, but will have an effect on you in some way that changes your life or outlook.
You may have a past-life tie with your grade school teacher who saw great potential in you and encouraged it. It could be that a particular co-worker was instrumental in saving your job. There may be a boss or supervisor whom you despise, for no logical reason.
Past-life connections are not as strong as soul-mate ties, but they are important because they give each of us a chance to reconnect with souls from past lifetimes for a variety of reasons. Sometimes the reason is as simple as missing one another. There are usually lessons associated with these connections, and as we work through the issues presented, some develop into long-term commitments. There are just as many that may be made up of a few fleeting moments that change your perception of life. Let's say a stranger pushed you out of the way of a speeding car. Then your "hero" helped you to your feet and left, never to be seen again. You didn't even get his name! Was he just doing a good deed? What put that particular person in your path, at that very moment? Why him? It was this particular soul's destiny to help save your life. You will never forget his face and kindness. He made a major impact on your life in a matter of mere seconds.
You'll recognize some past-life ties by a feeling of familiarity. It's as if you've met before. You may have strong feelings about a person you know little about. Let's pretend you met someone for the very first time and immediately mistrusted them. You probably had a "bad" experience with this soul in a former existence. They may have lied, cheated, or manipulated you then. Or perhaps it's the other way around, where you immediately like someone from the minute you are introduced. This soul likely played a positive role in another lifetime.
Soul friends are the dear friends from former lifetimes whom you mingle with in this one. They touch your heart and are there for you through thick and thin. Soul friends talk about everything and share the wildest secrets (the ones you wouldn't dare tell your husband or wife). They celebrate life's joys and sorrows with you. These are your very best friends. Perhaps you haven't seen one another for years, but reunite at some point. You and your soul friend will be able to pick up right where you left off. No amount of time or space diminishes the bond. Youngsters have many soul friends, even imaginary ones. It's all part of the growth process. Think about your best friends. How have they made a difference in your life?
A letter from a pen pal who lives thousands of miles away, a chance meeting at an airport between two people, and coincidental introductions help put soul friends in your path. Sometimes spouses get jealous over these special connections we make with other people. It takes a lot to break apart such a relationship. It stands the test of time, and if a soul friendship does end, both parties feel a sense of great loss and grief just as if there had been a physical death.
The Lovers/Soul-Mate Connection
The topic of soul mates comes up often when I am counseling clients on relationships. Almost everyone asks the question, "When will I meet my soul mate?" I feel the word is used too loosely these days.
Many times when people are in a wonderful relationship, they tend to think they've found their elusive soul mate. People who feel this way describe a deep, soul-stirring emotion. They've been in love before, but nothing like this. They feel no jealousy, no fear, and no threats to the relationship. They feel at peace and complete. Yes, there is a strong possibility they have found a soul mate. But there are many different types of soul mates, and they do not necessarily have to be lovers, spouses, or romantic interests. Yet the majority are. Soul mates come together because they are working on the same type of karma in this lifetime. A soul draws to it what it lacks or needs to complete its mission. On spiritual paths, souls are drawn to one another because they feel a strong connection. Each desires what the other has to fulfill itself and become one. The feeling is not one of infatuation or obsession. It is peace. It is knowing you are supposed to be with a particular person for some higher purpose.
Sometimes you will recognize what this higher purpose is. Other times you will have no clue, but will feel the relationship has a deep spiritual quality to it like no other experienced before. Unconditional love is a good indication of a soul mate. Many times it is possible to determine, through your astrological chart, the presence of a soul mate in your life or when one is coming.
Once you've found your soul mate, it is important to know that you may not choose to be together during this entire lifetime. Yes, legions of soul mates stay together till death do they part, but just as many part ways once their karma is complete. Many people never meet their soul mate. This is not a bad thing. It's just that their soul is choosing to walk its path alone. That is their karma. The most serious of all karmic lessons and unyielding soul "contracts" can be found in our most intimate relationships. This is why our souls desperately seek out past-life connections and soul mates. We're eager to fulfill our lessons, so we must reunite.
Sometimes the vows we take in former lifetimes carry over into our current one. I often use the example of a southern belle seeing her soldier husband off to war in the late 1800s. He tells her to wait for him as he vows to return. She promises to remain forever faithful. But he never comes home. He's killed in battle. Now the southern belle refuses to "move on." Physical death couldn't destroy their love or the vows taken. They are soul mates, and fate will bring them back together one day . . . in another lifetime. Their souls made a promise, which carried over into the next lifetime.
Fast forward one hundred years later, and this southern belle isn't even living down south. She may be a high-ranking executive residing in the Windy City. All of her life she's been searching for something or someone. She's dated but never married. Something's missing. There's a void in her life, and even though she can't explain it, our southern belle knows in her heart that one day she'll find it. She'll meet her soul mate. He'll come back to her.
And he does. She's at a conference and glances at a man across the room. Their eyes meet. It's as if they've known each other forever. The feelings they are both experiencing at that very instant are overwhelming, but they keep their emotions in check. After a two-week, whirlwind courtship, they're engaged and planning a Vegas wedding. She knows and he knows that something very special has happened. They feel complete. They feel as if they've come home.
I have counseled couples who have enjoyed many past lifetimes together. They choose to reunite because of their deep love for one another and cannot fathom living life apart. These are among the folks who have predestined mates. Certain souls make pacts and contracts to reincarnate over many lifetimes and marry each other again and again. If you are single and know in your heart that there is someone special out there but haven't made that special connection with anyone yet, it will happen! If friends and family are urging you to settle down and claim you're just being "too picky," listen only to your heart. When you meet your soul mate, you'll know. The feeling will be different than anything else you've ever experienced before. Your soul has already chosen the right lover for you, so be patient. It will happen when the time is right for you to work on creating or finishing some wonderful karma together.
What about those souls that never seem to fulfill their karma in a relationship? There are millions of couples that constantly fight, argue, and break up, only to get back together again and again. They inflict a lot of emotional pain on one another.
Do you feel like a yo-yo in your relationship? If you don't settle your differences and learn to love one another in this lifetime, you must reincarnate and meet again. You're building negative karma, so the relationship gets more difficult in each and every lifetime. The lessons become harder, too. I've seen people that meet their soul mate, only to find out he or she is involved with or married to someone else. This situation is usually an indication of many former lifetimes together in which the couple refused to work on their problems. Or they have created such heavy karma that they're paying for it in the current incarnation. The duos have to work even harder to be together. These souls are never single at the same time. One is married and the other isn't. Some engage in extramarital affairs.
I never judge anyone because we all have lessons to learn, but my heart goes out to those who become entangled in affairs, because they will have to pay many reparations. The paybacks can be horrendous! I know one client who cheated on her husband with her former high school boyfriend for years. She didn't want to leave her husband, but was still attracted to the ex. "Kim" convinced herself that the cheating was all right because she had been with this man before and both still had strong feelings for one another. What her husband didn't know wouldn't hurt him, or so she thought. But it eventually hurt her. Earlier, I made the statement that whatever you put out comes back to you, sometimes even threefold. About nine years later, Kim was settled happily into her marriage, with a big house, expensive cars, nice vacations, and three beautiful children. She wanted for nothing as her husband was part-owner in a company. Kim was putting all her energy into her marriage at this point and hadn't seen her lover in years. She considered her marriage to be rock-solid. But karma came to call. (It usually does when everything seems to be going just perfectly!) Judgment Day for Kim drew near. Her husband announced he was leaving her and moving out, and she'd have to fend for herself. He was cheating on Kim with a woman at work.
If you're involved with someone who's already married, the best advice I can give you is to step away from the relationship, and let the husband and wife work out their differences or decide to end the marriage. Don't create any negative karma for yourself (even if you think he or she is your soul mate). If the marriage should end, then you know your relationship was meant to be, and you can move forward with a clear conscience.
Kim and her husband have both created karma that they may have to "pay back" when they meet again in another lifetime. Both are still angry with one another and unable to work out their differences. So they'll likely have to repeat and atone for their mistakes. Future circumstances may be even more challenging. There could be trust issues that seem illogical in another lifetime if they meet again.
Have you ever met someone for the first time and immediately didn't like them? Did you feel a mistrust for no reason? As mentioned earlier in the book, whenever you feel a strong like or dislike for someone you first meet, it is likely that this person is from a former lifetime and there was an intense encounter. Your "gut feeling" will be a good indicator as to whether it was a positive or negative relationship. Perpetrators become victims and victims become masters as roles change or reverse, especially in romantic relationships, to settle karmic debts.
Karmic Reasons for Past-Life & Soul-Mate Connections
The Common Reasons Why Soul Mates "Hook Up"
1. To repay a debt.
2. To receive payment of a debt.
3. To right a wrong or learn a lesson.
4. An early death in a former lifetime.
5. For the soul's growth.
6. To complete or finish something.
7. To help another soul.
8. Out of love.
To Repay a Debt
Reparation is one of the main reasons we connect with people from our past. Our souls desperately need to make things right with other souls to whom we owe something. For example, in a former lifetime, Glen was dying on a battlefield in Gettysburg during the Civil War. He was frightened to die alone. Even though there was gunfire blasting all around, another soldier stayed by his side and put his own life in danger as Glen made his "transition." He did not pass on alone. Both soldiers were killed that day.
Now, in his current life, Glen's soul chose to reincarnate into a family that put him in touch with his faithful comrade. His "army buddy" is now his little brother with whom he has a strong bond in this lifetime. The family often remarks on what a wonderful relationship the siblings share. Glen feels a need to help his brother all the time and goes out of his way to repay the karmic debt. Glen's mother remarks how odd it is that when her younger son is sick in bed with the flu or doesn't feel well, he asks for Glen to come and sit in his room or give him his medicine. She admitted she was a little jealous and hurt by not being able to fulfill this nurturing role, but when I explained to her that Glen was just repaying a karmic debt, she didn't feel as "rejected."
Debts can mount over several lifetimes. You can have many smaller notes to pay or a single large bill with interest owed to a particular person. If you made your living as a thief in a past life, you may have to pay all your victims back in this one, or financial troubles could plague you for an entire lifetime. Or, if someone showed kindness to you and touched your former life in a grand manner, you may seek to repay the favor now.
There are no set rules for how long you must make payments or how big the debt actually is. That decision is up to your very own soul. It yearns to make things right and to settle the score in the most positive of ways. You may not even consciously be aware of what you're doing. So if something doesn't seem fair in a relationship or situation, meditate on it. Ask your higher self what it is you are supposed to learn or "pay back." Then be thankful you have the opportunity to do so.
To Receive Payment of a Debt
Sometimes you'll reincarnate and connect with another person so they have the opportunity to pay off a karmic debt to you. You may choose to be part of their life to aid in their soul's growth.
Through regression, my client Mary found out that her current boyfriend had betrayed her in a previous lifetime. She stuck by him through thick and thin, but he had created bad karma in their former lifetime by cheating on her with other women. He was a gambler and often stole her money to try his hand at yet another poker game. When she died, this man finally understood the meaning of love and felt remorse for his actions. He missed her terribly and wanted to atone for these actions. It was too late, at least in that lifetime.
Fast forward one hundred fifty years later, and Mary meets Joe. He feels a strong connection to her and an overwhelming desire to help her that never seems to be fulfilled. Joe wants to help her through whatever crisis she is experiencing. He constantly needs to buy Mary lovely things, often bringing her little gifts for no specific reason. He claims he's never felt such a need to give unselfishly in any other relationship. Meanwhile, Mary is delighted that she's being treated like a queen. However, she doesn't want him to make such a fuss over her, but he insists. Joe is paying back that karmic debt from the couple's former lifetime together. Mary is on the receiving end and should accept his reparations graciously, thus releasing Joe of further debt. Mary deserves all the attention this man gives her, but doesn't fully understand why Joe is so generous, until she goes though her own regression session.
When Mary uncovers this other lifetime of hurt, pain, and betrayal, the pieces of the puzzle all fall into place. Today, Joe's soul feels a need to make amends, and it can't grow until he pays Mary back for the pain he caused.
If someone owes you a debt, you'll eventually figure out who it is because this person has a desperate need to help you. They feel an obligation to go out of their way for you. Many times these relationship debts are found among lovers and family. And remember, if you're in a relationship and treating someone poorly, you'll have to suffer the consequences of your actions sooner or later. Mary collected on her debt, and the slate was wiped clean. Even though her soul didn't have to come back and reconnect with Joe, she chose to do so for his soul growth and gave him the opportunity to "pay in full."
To Learn a Lesson or Right a Wrong
Have you ever been in a relationship that you just couldn't "get right"? No matter how hard you work on it, the two of you are always in turmoil, constantly breaking up and making up. You desperately want to be together, yet both of you may be stubborn people who can't even agree to disagree. In many situations, egos get in the way. But if you don't work out your problems in this lifetime, you must in the next, and often the lessons of the heart are much harder later on.
I know a couple that were never single at the same time but wanted to be together. They were definitely soul mates with a history of many lifetimes together. Chris was married while Sam was single. Sam got tired of waiting for her to leave her husband, and walked down the aisle with someone else. A year later Chris got divorced and waited around a few years for Sam to do the same. He didn't file. Then Chris met someone new, and half-heartedly married a second time. Meanwhile, Sam stayed committed to his wife for twenty years until she died of cancer. Chris consoled him but wouldn't leave her marriage "because of the kids." She promised they'd be together in a few years down the road. Another woman pursued Sam and moved into his house. Now in a panic and not wanting to endure this repetitive cycle, Chris is seriously thinking of ending her marriage. At fifty years old, she is scared to give up the security she enjoys but knows she's supposed to be with Sam.
Whew! What a soap opera. This is an obvious example of two people who know they are soul mates but must contend with difficult lessons. Their paths cross at all the wrong times, but they never let go of the dream of being together one day. Impatience, jealousy, and insecurity drive them to make commitments to others they don't really love. Will they ever get together in this lifetime? Only if one of them remains single long enough and sacrifices other relationship opportunities, is patient, and willing to wait. There is a happy ending to this story. Chris and Sam finally did get married, but what struggles they went through!
I know a few of you can identify with Chris and Sam. If you have a similar story to tell, know that you will be together at some point, but your souls must be strong and patient. If not in this lifetime, you will be united with your soul mate in the next one. This type of a test creates a stronger and more determined bond between souls because they must learn what they are missing. They have to feel the pain and frustration of not being together to appreciate one another in the next lifetime.
Chris and Sam's relationship was, among other things, about learning to trust their hearts. It's probable that they have tried to work on this exact same issue in former lifetimes.
So what are Chris and Sam's other lessons? Patience. Trust. Agreeing to work things through. Not allowing the ego and selfishness to destroy such a connection. Did you catch what else happened in this scenario? Chris and Sam both created more karma by rushing into marriage with other souls for the wrong reasons.
The only way to complete this karmic task was for the couple to work through their differences, recognize how important the relationship is to both of them, and make a solid commitment.
Some of the challenges we experience on life's path may actually be blessings, for they give us the opportunity to grow as a soul. Some of your most difficult life lessons will make you a stronger person.
To Help Someone Along Their Path
There are some souls that don't need to reincarnate. They've reached a level of enlightenment where they aren't required to revisit the earth plane but choose to do so to help others on their path. Some souls purposely place themselves in positions where they can do the most good for mankind or a single being.
Gloria is such a soul. Just being around her, one feels a sense of peace. She is gentle, soft-spoken, and wise. Her mission in this lifetime was to help a special man develop a spiritual center. The problem was this man she was to assist wasn't very spiritual. In fact, he drank too much and was rather self-centered, and money was his god. Under unusual circumstances they met while both were traveling abroad. They were immediately attracted to one another and later married. This gentleman was guided by his new wife's vision. By using his business skills, he started a cable television show in his area promoting speakers and authors. Gloria suggested that he book self-help and spiritual writer as guests. When he did, the ratings went through the roof! A short time later, the couple were drawing thousands of viewers, and lots of people wanted to get on their show.
Gloria kept nudging her husband to do even more to enlighten their local community. Within a few years, a spiritual retreat center was built, and people from all over the world came to visit, attend seminars, and discover ways to improve their own lives.
Gloria's husband says he can't believe how his life has changed and how he views the world and the collective consciousness. By helping one man develop a spiritual path, Gloria has opened the door for a million more souls to find peace and growth in their own lives.
Gloria's story is not unique. There are many more like hers. There are humble stories, too, involving just one or two people. Sometimes a person will devote their entire life to another; perhaps a lover or a child. The recipient's life is drastically changed because of this soul's influence. An example of this would be a soul incarnating to be the mother of a child with a disability. The child needs help on their path. We could turn this around and suggest the child is helping the mother, too. A soul comes back in an uncomfortable body, giving the mother the opportunity to grow spiritually and develop empathy and compassion through devoting her life to this child who needs her so much.
Separation Because of an Early Death in a Former Lifetime
Another type of connection is when a person's life is cut short by an untimely death and their loved one is left behind with a broken heart. The loved one can't release the person or the pain. It's unfortunate, but many times the bereaved person refuses to go on with life and gets stuck in a time warp. The pain of the loss runs so deep that it causes a fixed, unyielding nature. Some people are unable to love again, or they take a vow never to love again. When reincarnation occurs, the souls are drawn by this unique energy and feel a strong desire to be reunited. I have seen this in the case of mother and child just as much as with husband and wife.
The problem that occurs in the current lifetime is one partner is so frightened and paranoid their partner will leave them that they smother the person or live in constant fear that something bad is going to happen in the relationship. Most of the time their fears are unfounded. These subconscious fears are brought over from a former lifetime. They are the memories our souls maintain. Perhaps some are images of our past-life joys, lessons, and tears. Even though our conscious mind is wiped clean of the prior existence when we are born again, our soul still possesses imprints of that existence. If left ignored and misunderstood, these past-life memories haunt us and our new relationships. Unfortunately, some people center their entire lives around these fears. Or, not wanting to experience the pain of loss, people refuse to make emotional commitments in relationships. But there is hope. Some people can be helped through past-life regression counseling and meditation.
When this specific karmic past occurs in a mother/child relationship, mom can be overly protective to the point that it's not healthy for the youngster. In a romantic relationship, we see signs of insecurity, jealousy, and unfounded phobias.
These phobias do make sense, though, if you look at them from a past-life point of view. There have been millions of people over the past hundreds of years whose lives were torn apart because of war, famine, and the like. Families were ripped apart. People died unexpectedly every day because of accidents and senseless murders. Because loved ones never got a chance to say goodbye or finish their karma with others, the deceased souls felt cheated. Those that passed away are anxious to get back to earth to reunite with loved ones left behind.
If you're involved in a relationship where you have unfounded fears or are overly vigilant about your partner's basic security, you may be dealing with a past-life issue. It would be worth investigating, to eliminate the fear and enjoy living in the present. In most cases, if you cannot trace a fear or phobia back to your childhood years or events that have occurred in your current incarnation, you are very likely dealing with an issue brought over from another lifetime. These issues can be eradicated by getting help from a professional past-life therapist.
You've probably heard the phrase "I have unfinished business with him!" Souls have unfinished business, too. In many past lives, lessons were not learned, tasks were left undone, and relationships were not consummated. The unfinished business can be a positive or negative thing, but a lot of times it is negative. A soul feels a strong need to complete something.
Such was the case with my client Sharon. She and her boyfriend were together for six years before they decided to tie the knot, but only after much indecisiveness on her part. Their relationship was abusive. She was a battered woman who always returned to the relationship after the beatings. The couple was in therapy for years. One day she called for another session with me and asked for the hundredth time, "What should I do?" The patterns between these folks were so repetitive.
Wedding dates were planned and canceled several times. No matter what I told her, Sharon always went back to him. There was no logic to this. In the past I had told her to break it off and move on, but she never did. When I started looking at this relationship from a karmic standpoint, I told her something drastically different. Most people would have scolded me for such a thing, but I told her go ahead and get married. I also told Sharon she would be divorced in less than two years, and her longing for this man would then end. She would no longer have any feelings for him. It's something that her soul had to finish. Sharon had to get married to break the bond.
We did a past-life session and uncovered some amazing information, which we'll get to later. Sharon set a date, and the couple married on an exotic island. The wedding pictures were beautiful, but as soon as the "I do's" were said, the fights started. Sharon threw up in the limo because she was drunk. Her groom got drunk and flirted with other women on their honeymoon. When the couple returned home, they built an expensive home, but within nine months were headed for divorce court. Sharon was okay with it. The divorce went through, and Sharon never went back. I feel it's truly over. She does, too. Her soul had accomplished what it needed to do. It was set free.
This past-life regression session proved that she had unfinished business with her ex-husband. The two of them had been engaged in a former lifetime, but secretly. Her parents wouldn't allow the union. She promised him she would find a way to marry him, but it was not to be back then. Relatives made sure they were kept apart, and years later Sharon looked for her lover but found he had passed on. Her vow to marry him would have to be fulfilled, if not in that lifetime, then in a later one. She finished her business two hundred years later in the year 2001. His abusive nature is another issue. Was he still angry at Sharon for not trying harder to be with him in that prior lifetime? Was he scared of losing her all over again, so he tried to lower her self-esteem to keep her in the marriage? That may be why he tried to keep her away from her friends and family in this lifetime, too, so they couldn't influence her decision to marry him now. Sharon's family was not happy with him in this lifetime either.
Perhaps there is something you feel a drive to accomplish. No one understands why you feel so passionately about this cause, but you do. For example, a young white lawyer I counseled named Jeff is heavily involved in human rights. He has managed his career so that he is in a position to change some laws to benefit the African American community. He spends a lot of his free time organizing youth activities and supporting education in poverty-stricken neighborhoods. Growing up in an affluent white neighborhood, Jeff never had much exposure to other cultures until he turned fourteen and his parents divorced. He went to live with his mother in low-income housing in a diverse neighborhood.
During one of our regression sessions, Jeff saw himself living in the old South, somewhere in Georgia, putting together the Underground Railroad that helped slaves seeking freedom move to the North. He had just started developing new escape routes for the slaves when authorities discovered what he was doing and Jeff was sent to prison. He felt he had never completed his mission. Fast forward one hundred fifty years later, and Jeff is completing what his soul set out to do back in the Civil War days. He's helping a certain sector of society improve their quality of life.
Oftentimes we have unfinished business in our relationships. If you feel you need to end something or find closure with a situation or person, there's likely some door that was never shut tight. It's good to finish up and move on. Otherwise this business may hold you back from progressing in other areas of your life. You may be so obsessed with one subject that you can't focus on anything else in your life. It's more than just passion. It's more like obsession. You must complete it.
For the Soul's Growth
Yet another reason we choose to reincarnate is simply for our soul's growth. As we move through each lifetime, we learn new lessons, accomplish tasks, develop talents, and advance to higher levels of spiritual enlightenment. You can think of soul advancement like this: You're in spiritual study from kindergarten through college. There are different classes, teachers, and tests in all the grades. Your soul chooses what it yearns and needs to learn. As the soul grows, it becomes closer to God, which is where it longs to be. Sometimes you may get stuck in first grade and need to take another course in compassion. Perhaps a soul isn't happy with an average grade in empathy and chooses to hold itself back to really grasp the knowledge it needs to get an A+.
Most of our soul's growth comes through our dealings in our most personal relationships. It is through difficulty, sorrow, tragedy, and pain that we learn the most and experience the most growth. Many of us recall happy, joy-filled times, but just as many fade from memory. However, we never forget the crises we live through. They change us in deep, profound ways. If your life seems to be filled with crisis after crisis, know that when you handle challenges, from a spiritual standpoint your soul is advancing to yet another level. Accept these karmic lessons as opportunities for your soul to become enlightened and closer to God.
Out of Love
Many souls make pacts with those they love to reincarnate back together just because their love is so strong and intense. They can't stand the thought of being without one another and often will continue to marry in each and every lifetime. A love like this is so powerful that the energy it creates holds people together for lifetimes.
Then there's the mother/child bond. It's so strong that it can transcend several lifetimes as well. A mother's love is perhaps the strongest of any because it's unconditional. Many mothers want to be reunited with their children because they love them so much. If a soul has such a need, it will find a way to get back to earth to be a part of the children's lives, though perhaps playing a different role.
Linda was fifty-two when she died and left four teenagers behind. She was a devoted mom and was angry with the illness that ripped her away from her family. Her daughter Sherri came to see me one day, pregnant and due on Linda's birthday. "I feel my mother is with me," she said. "I sense her all around." Little did she know how true that statement was.
When the baby boy was born, he had the eyes of an old soul. Sherri started having strange dreams immediately in which her mother would come to her and reassure her she hadn't died and that she was now reunited with the family. The baby's cry would always wake Sherri up. As time went on and her little boy turned four, he started telling Sherri about relatives he had never met. Sherri was startled that he knew so much about so many personal things in the family. I told her to ask her boy about his "other life." Kids still retain memories of their most previous lifetimes before they are four or five. By the school years, they lose that memory, so it was important that Sherri ask him now. She did, and called me right away with news. "He said he knew me in a former lifetime, but I wasn't his mom. He said he took care of me!" Sherri confided. Did Sherri's mother come back? Was she born into the family she so desperately didn't want to leave? There is no real proof, only theories, but it was enough for Sherri to recognize she and her son have a very special bond.
There's something else at work here, too . . . and we call it karma.