Soul Mates: The Light
and the Dark of It
Mates. The words evoke a sense of divine partnership, a blessed union
where two hearts, two souls, two people, come together as One. The
state of Oneness prevails through all of life’s adversities.
The couple is melded together through thick and thin, and there is
always and throughout pervasive feelings of telepathic connection,
unconditional love, and simmering sexual passion.
bliss. We all share this innate longing for our “other
half.” Since the age of romance began, literature has fed us
the imagery of such a perfect union. Much is illusory, a fantasy; but
still, we crave this perfection.
bodies hardly need encouragement. It is the prerogative of the body to
seek its “other half,” the yin for its yang, the
positive for its negative. Kahlil Gibran said: “Your children
are not your children, they are the sons and daughters of
life’s longing for itself.” It is this longing of
life to reproduce that drives us to seek union with our opposite.
for our higher selves, our souls, the desire to merge comes from an
instinctive “knowing.” Our higher self knows that
only through relationship
can we bring our “unwholeness” into our conscious
awareness, in order to heal—and
thus become whole.
cannot do this on our own. We need another to help us negotiate our
gaps and wounds, and to teach us how to open, and keep open, our
hearts. There is no healing with a closed heart. We must open and let
go. And this we do best when we are loved and loving.
words “Soul Mates” are a bit like the words
“God” or “Love.” We can create
any number of interpretations for these words; they are capable of
expressing the highest truths, as well as truth’s opposite.
From the pain of deception, loss, betrayal, and separation to the joy
profound intimacy and deep merging with another, the Soul Mate
relationship can bring us any or all of these.
use the word Soul, together with the word Mate, tentatively. And for
the reason mentioned above—the words are too easily
misconstrued. They are minimized, mangled, and mutated, changed from
two innocent, singly comforting words to something almost intimidating:
Do you have a Soul Mate? Is your partner your Soul Mate, or a watered
down version of one? And if he is, why is living with him so difficult?
He can’t be. Or: Will you ever
find that elusive Soul Mate? Do you even believe in such things? If
they’re for real, why hasn’t yours shown up yet?
Where IS he? The subject of soul mates seems invariably to be
accompanied by feelings of ambivalence and vulnerability.
is a lot of confusion about Soul Mates (as there is about anything to
do with the mysterious Soul), which is why I wanted to talk about them.
After forty something years of living and loving, I have come to the
conclusion that every significant relationship we enter into is with a
Soul Mate. Yes, afraid so. (And when I say significant, I mean a
relationship lasting longer than most of the food in your
refrigerator). When we give our heart to another—for however
short or long the duration—we are entering into the sacred
territory of the Soul. This person has then become a Mate of our Soul;
our Soul Mate.
we need to qualify the above. Significant relationships are all Soul
Mate relationships, but there are soul mates and Soul Mates. There are
“dark” Soul Mates and there are
“light” Soul Mates.
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