With the uncertain economic and political times, there is one thing that each of us has within our power that can help determine the quality of our life—good sex. It is an art that needs to be studied, that is fun to practice, and that unleashes more insecurities than any other personal act. It can be the most beautiful or the ugliest experience of our lives as well as a basis for our self-esteem, and if we learn how to effectively gauge potential lovers and foster a healthy respect for ourselves and others, our chances of a negative encounter diminish while we learn to care for ourselves and be happy with what we have.
Just as our sun signs determine significant personality traits, they also program us to react to insecurities and sex in a specific way. In my book, The Sex Files: Your Zodiac Guide to Love and Lust, I explore the men and women of each sign and create a character profile with which to anticipate their sexual reactions and games. By understanding how you and your partner react to sex, what is important to each of you, and what games are routinely played, you will have a better understanding of what to expect from the situation and what your partner will see in you.
Below, I have focused on the sexual fears of each sign in hopes that by understanding these fears, you can more effectively communicate with your partner and reassure yourself that you are good enough and you are worth loving.
Sexual Fear: Falling Short
Idealism is the main motivator for Aries, and the fear that either they or their partners will fall short of expectations is a continuous aspect of their sexual encounters. It's rarely, if ever, purely about sex for an Aries—it's about esteem, control, passion, and love as well as physical gratification.
How to Reassure: Lots of Compliments
Sexual Fear: Making a Bad Decision
A Taurus heart is slow to heal, and while they're not opposed to one night stands, they prefer to be within a monogamous relationship with a trusted partner. With a sensuous nature and a sensitive heart, making a good choice when choosing a lover is essential to their stability.
How to Reassure: Provide Stability
Sexual Fear: Negative Consequences
Mobile Gemini—always flitting from one dream to another—is terrified that their actions might catch up to them and may result in some type of trap. Pregnancy, bad feelings, diseases, and regret plague the Gemini mind, but you'd hardly know it with the way they act like they're only out for a good time.
How to Reassure: Communication about Expectations
Sexual Fear: Embarrassment
Defensive, sensitive Cancers are insecure about sex until they're with a committed partner. Stability and trust are essential and while they might experiment with near-strangers, they aren't comfortable doing so regularly because the best of Cancers are brought out in the comfortable serenity at home.
How to Reassure: Emotional Support and Friendship
Sexual Fear: Boredom
"Sexual magnetism" is synonymous with "Leo" and if there are more snores in the bedroom than moans, Leo starts to worry. Big time. Is it them, is it you, is your relationship doomed? Mediocrity is not something they understand or accept. They can't relax until the good times are rolling again.
How to Reassure: Variety
Sexual Fear: Getting Emotionally Involved
While able to give themselves freely sexually, Virgos don't let things get emotional. They're able to rationalize that sex is better when expressed with the intent of enjoyment and without fear, they understand that the area where they're truly in jeopardy is not in the bedroom but in the heart.
How to Reassure: Don't Tie Emotions into Sex
Sexual Fear: Not Having Control
Many Librans are free with their sexuality and use a multi-faceted intellectual approach to their sexual encounters. Being goaded or guilt-tripped into sex is something they won't tolerate for long, but their over-willingness to please a partner may trap them in a mindset where they think sex is all they are good for and the only way they can get attention.
How to Reassure: Plenty of Non-Sexual and Specific Compliments
Sexual Fear: Not Being Needed
The Scorpio is a highly, highly, highly sexual creature and they need their partners deeply and need to be deeply needed in return. Always evaluating who's on top in their relationships, it's nearly impossible for them to accept any relationship that isn't equal on a power basis, and love is power.
How to Reassure: Don't Play Power Games
Sexual Fear: Loss of Excitement
Sexual freedom is extremely important to Sags. Not to say that they're incapable of monogamy, they simply prefer partners with finesse and imagination. Creativity and intellect are central to Sagittarian sexuality and while they can find comfort in routine, they'll tire of it quickly. Having a boring partner incapable of intellectual conversation will turn them off almost immediately.
How to Reassure: Changes of Venue
Sexual Fear: Failure of Restraint
No other sign is as in command of themselves as a Capricorn and while they dream of being swept away by passion, they're terrified of the loss of control. Luckily for them, this breach rarely if ever happens. Losing control means losing the ability to direct their own lives, and even something as supposedly easy as sex can have dire consequences. Nothing is taken lightly by this sign.
How to Reassure: Don't Rush
Sexual Fear: Loss of Personal Power
Not overly sensual people, Aquarians are aware of the power of sex and are drawn to it often for that reason alone. However, being in a situation where it is used against them is not their idea of fun and they will quickly find a way to turn the tide. In order to keep this sign interested, sexual encounters should be a learning experience rather than a base satisfaction of needs.
How to Reassure: Use of Intellect for Mutual Gain
Sexual Fear: Being Exposed
Figuratively more than literally, Pisces are uncomfortable being laid bare. A sign that tends to suffer from much insecurity needs to foster a healthy self-respect before they believe compliments from others and can feel comfortable in sexual situations.
How to Reassure: A Lot of Compassion and Tenderness