Personal Client Experiences
Recently I asked readers what they wanted me to write about.
Someone asked me to write about my personal experiences reading for clients. Here, I’ll give an actual example of a situation and how I handled it. Then you all can discuss and share ideas about how you’d handle similar situations.
As a professional reader, I read in person at a local metaphysical store, at psychic fairs, and in my home. I also read on the phone or via Skype. However, my email readings are my lowest price point and therefore very popular.
Some time ago, a woman wrote asking about whether or not her boyfriend was cheating and whether the relationship had long term potential.
Right off the bat, this raises questions amongst readers. Some people would never read this question and others have no problem with it. I do answer these questions. And I answered hers. No, he was not, had not, and didn’t seem to be going to anytime soon. However, the cards indicated that trust was a HUGE issue for her. The long term viability of the relationship was directly related to how would work through this issue.
She wrote a few weeks later, asking a similar question. At that point I wrote to her about co-dependency. She assured me that she was working on her issues and using the readings as a way to verify her intuition. I wasn’t completely buying it, but did the reading anyhow.
About once a month, I’d get an order from her—all on the same theme. There was, believe it or not, never any sign that her poor, distrusted boyfriend ever did her wrong.
The last order I got from her, she wanted to know if the relationship had long term potential and if her boyfriend was cheating. This was almost word for word the exact same question she asked four months ago.
The situation now is the same but not the same as four months ago. Four months ago, the prospects were stronger and lay largely in her power to shape. Now, the prospects are not as strong, because he is four months tired of being distrusted. I explained all this to her. I ended the reading by telling her that she could gauge the long-term viability of the relationship herself by measuring how much progress she’s made with her trust issues in the past four months.
I don’t think she liked that.
I never heard from her again.
Okay, your turn. Have you had experiences with co-dependent clients and how did you handle it?
Seems to me that you’re the irresponsible one for continually accepting her money for the same question. It’s called “spiritual co-dependence”.
Interesting judgment. Is it always black and white? Is it sometimes a process? I think, to be honest, that this process for her actually lead her to the point where she could see in tangible form how she had not progressed as the cards first advised her and how, as a result, her relationship with her boyfriend disintegrated. I think that the four months of interaction was necessary for her to get to that point.
You see, like you, I take my responsibility very seriously. And my logic told me this was not a great situation (to keep reading for). But something other than the rules I set for myself and my logic had me read for her. Until the time when it came to stop.
I think sometimes our rules and ethical guidelines are in danger of becoming dogma (the extreme rigidity of the Hierophant) and stop us from being open to a spiritual process. But I would not have thought before I went through this experience. So I can see why you’d think I was just doing this for the money.
Interesting judgment. Is it always black and white? Is it sometimes a process? I think, to be honest, that this process for her actually lead her to the point where she could see in tangible form how she had not progressed as the cards first advised her and how, as a result, her relationship with her boyfriend disintegrated. I think that the four months of interaction was necessary for her to get to that point.
You see, like you, I take my responsibility very seriously. And my logic told me this was not a great situation (to keep reading for). But something other than the rules I set for myself and my logic had me read for her. Until the time when it came to stop.
I think sometimes our rules and ethical guidelines are in danger of becoming dogma (the extreme rigidity of the Hierophant) and stop us from being open to a spiritual process. But I would not have thought before I went through this experience. So I can see why you’d think I was just doing this for the money.
It’s my belief that if a client has a question — especially a deeply personal, meaningful question about an intimate love relationship — it’s not our place to judge the question, or refuse to answer it.
As far as I’m concerned, a client can keep asking the same question weekly, or monthly, or however long it takes to come to terms with the answer. Psychiatrists, psychologists, and counselors don’t turn away patients because they keep coming back with the same problem. Some people need to go over the same ground for years while they search for acceptance and coping skills.
The money involved isn’t the issue. The money represents an exchange of energy, a dedicated interest in the answer, and respect for the time it took you to master the cards — as well as the time it takes to answer the question itself, of course.
You did nothing wrong. Neither did your client. And Janet’s snarky response, which resorts to name-calling and a holier-than-thou attitude, simply shows that she’s trying to aggrandize herself at your expense.
At events, I do shorter readings (three-card spreads) to be able to accommodate reading for more people. I can spot the codependent ones as soon as the reading is over and they want more cards pulled. And then one more. And then one more. Prolonging the reading because they’re not getting the answer they want.
For people that continue to ask the same question in rapid succession, the same cards keep popping up in their reading, usually in the same positions as well. Their own frustration from getting the same reading over and over again usually causes them to either a) break the cycle, or b) stop asking for readings.
I have to admit I have never had to face this problem, mainly because I tell my clients that they should not return to ask the same question in under six months – that seems to do the trick.
I had a very similar experience with a client, Barbara. She asked for a series of short 3-card readings on the relationships her fiance had with his ex-girlfriends and also on how she compared to them in his eyes. She ran through a lot of these readings. As in your case, her fiance’s cards always indicated he thought the world of her, was head over heels in love with her, had no thought to these exes, and there was no indication she had any need to be concerned. Finally, she asked for a more involved reading on her own trust issues. That was a really good reading and I believe it took the series of rather petty, insecure questions to reveal her core issue to herself. She remains a client and has not asked for one of those more insecure readings since she identified and got some insight into her basic trust issue. Believe me, when I was doing those earlier readings for her I questioned whether this was worthwhile, if I should be doing these readings for her, but something inside of me nodded yes. They eventually got her where she needed to go. I agree with your comment about process. Heck, we deal with “the unknown and unseen” all the time, but we have trouble trusting our own instincts sometimes.
Helen, twenty years ago, when I did my certification through the ATA, one of the things we had to do was write a code of ethics. But that never seemed like the right path for me. I’ve never been able to come up with a set of guidelines that I’m willing to say applies to all situations. Which is very weird because in my life I tend to be a rule follower, more comfortable with knowing exactly what is expected of me. Tarot has indeed taken me into some new territories and made me face uncomfortable situations…er, growing and learning situations, I mean! 🙂
Ginny, this issue has been a learning curve for me. It is hard for me not to have rules that I apply to any and all situations. But my main journey with tarot has been learning to trust the cards and my own spirit (rather than my brain/logic). And I agree that this experience with this querent (as with yours) was what was needed for the greatest good. It was the best way to serve HER, even if it makes me a possible object of ridicule and judgment from my peers.
I’m getting to the point where I don’t think I’d call any client “co-dependent.”
Are we co-dependent on the friends we call when we want to talk about our jobs, our families, or our emotions? Are we co-dependent on anyone we go to when we want to feel better about ourselves?
My hairdresser never says, “I just highlighted your hair a month ago. Why do you want to try a different color already?” My sisters never say, “Quit calling me with the same old problems with your kids.” And my doctor never says, “Don’t book another appointment until you can prove you’re exercising every day.”
Truly compassionate people take people as they are, and accept them for what they are. As far as I’m concerned, the idea of co-dependency might have a place in tarot theory, but not in practice.
Don’t worry dear, The world is full of people who need guidance in very different ways and being open /questioning how to approach each new challenge is a diligence that might just allow you to help them. Professional peers do not ridicule – Whether in the Film Industry (my turf) or Tarot or Publishing, they do their work with integrity and courtesy, and support others who do the same or they do not remain “professionals” for very long. Keep doing your work with the sincerity I personally know you have and nevermind the folks who wear ass-hats.
Of course I don’t make a living doing cartomancy – I only read in bookstores or coffeeshops if people see cards and ask me. But when girls ask me questions like this, I lay the cards out and then say point-blank “If you can’t talk to him about these feelings, then you should ask yourself if you have a real relationship.” I guess that sounds combative. Oh well. Then I read the cards for them about their self-esteem and security issues.
Barbara how can I ask y ou a question but not thru this blog??
The most disturbing repeat client I had was a middle-aged woman having an affair with a middle-aged, very married, father of five. The question she just could not let go, one that resonated with every request for a reading, was: “Is he going to leave his wife?”
At no time within any of the readings was there any indication that this man was going to disrupt his family, his home, his employment, or his life in any way with divorce. I told my client this, many times, and she was just emotionally unable to accept it.
Eventually, after two years of readings with no change in the circumstances within sight, she stopped requesting readings. I haven’t heard from her since.
Was trying to come up with something appropriate in regards to the first post, but terry lee hit the nail on the head : “asshat…”