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Whether you are just falling in love or you're a newlywed who still hasn't come down to earth after the honeymoon, it is essential to learn the fine art of communication.
Many times when lovers hear how important communication is in keeping love alive, their eyes glaze over. They seem to think communication is simply not sexy. Oh, how wrong they are! When you do it right, the rewards are definitely sexy. Good communication leads to a feeling of security with each other, which leads to a feeling of belonging to each other, which leads straight to the bedroom.
In my book Love After Sex, I wrote in great detail about each sign and how problems may arise in three areas familiar to all lovers: Sex, Money, and Power. Remember that finding it difficult to communicate with your lover does not mean that you are not right for each other or that the relationship is doomed. Far from it. It simply means that you are both human and totally unique. You may need to be communicated with differently in order to feel loved, needed and respected.
However, most lovers make a basic mistake. They communicate with their partners the way they want someone to communicate with them. The second mistake is throwing up their hands and saying "I just can't talk to you!" Actually, what they should be admitting is "I just don't know how to talk to you." For instance, Aries has a "straight to the point" approach that may be appreciated by another fiery sign, but its bluntness can put the sensitive psyche of a Cancer into intensive care. Unless you really understand your lover's unique needs, then how can you communicate effectively?
Since we all feel the strongest, the most secure and open to communication when we're in our element, let's take a look at the signs that are at home in their astrological elements of Earth, Air, Fire, and Water. Each holds the key to communication.
EARTH: Taurus, Virgo, and Capricorn are earth signs, and they are all resistant to change in varying degrees. In their minds, change can be equated with loss of control, and what seems like a simple idea to you can appear cataclysmic to them. How do you communicate with a partner who only wants to keep the status quo? First and foremost, show him or her the practicality of your idea. Just remember that your lover will be looking for practicality and thinking: how is this going to make my life better? Will things run smoother? Will there be tangible results? Stress the logic and common sense of what you're saying. Make sure that your partner knows the ideas you're communicating are not simply motivated by discontent, but by your love.
AIR: Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius are air signs, and they require more of an intellectual approach. You are lucky to have someone who loves to communicate because that gives you a definite advantage. Whatever you do, stay as detached as possible. If you become over-emotional in stating your case you will lose your partner's attention in a minute. Your lover is receptive to words, so begin by setting fire to his or her imagination. Paint pictures with words of the positive outcome you want your ideas to generate and don't spare the adjectives! When your lover catches your enthusiasm and begins to improve on your ideas, be appreciative and welcome his or her input. You will be on your way to a real partnership.
FIRE: Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius are fire signs, and the way to approach them is with positivity. These lovers hate the following: negativity, too much intellectualizing, and certainly teary confrontations. Begin by reinforcing their own positive self-image. Your partner doesn't always feel the confidence that he or she projects. Then, since these signs basically believe anything is possible if someone has the courage to attempt it, offer your ideas as a challenge for the both of you. Can you work together for a stronger relationship? If you make your lover feel the excitement of a new adventure, the answer will be yes. You know how impatient he or she can be, so don't put aside a weekend for communication. Make it short, make it loving, and it will be sweet.
WATER: Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces are water signs that are emotionally very sensitive. Have you ever felt that your partner's psychic ability already sensed your feelings and that she or he was just waiting for you to express them? It's true these signs relate strongly to feelings, so take your time expressing your own feelings in depth. Just make sure to cushion everything you say with nurturing warmth and love. This is tremendously important because these lovers are the most vulnerable of signs and easily hurt. They reflect back many times on what is said, replaying the words over and over in their minds. However, once you communicate the passion of your love, everything else you want to communicate will be met with sympathy, empathy and deep understanding.
Olivia (New Mexico) is a professional astrologer with over twenty years of experience counseling clients with relationship concerns and questions. She is a popular guest on radio talk shows and has been featured in national ...