I think it is fair to say that nearly all people want to improve their lives, right? (Of course, right.) Well, as I describe in my book Wisdom from the Woods, one way to better your life is to deepen the connection you already have with Mother Nature. Utilizing nature metaphors, the Earth Goddess can teach you ways to increase your level of overall happiness, reduce stress, and let go of resentment through forgiveness. (What a deal!)

How to Create Happiness
One does not simply find happiness. Nor is happiness bestowed. You need to create it. It is essential to recognize that there are two types of happiness: Short-term and long-term. Short-term happiness is based on the emotion of excitement and is typically experienced when we make a purchase, win a game, receive praise, or accomplish a task. Long-term happiness, on the other hand, is a state of being, based on an inner sense of life satisfaction by acting in accordance with your values and standards. Like a mighty oak, people with long-term happiness reach their branches up to the Sun God and anchor their roots down deeply into Mother Earth. (So, mote it be.)

Let's address three myths about happiness: Myth #1: You cannot buy happiness. Fact: You can only buy the conditions for happiness, but not actual happiness. For instance, you can buy a wedding cake, but you cannot buy a loving marriage. On the other hand, if you are poor, money can buy happiness, but only up to the point of meeting your basic needs. Myth #2: Happiness is completely outside your control. Fact: You can always control some aspects of your life. Your thoughts, attitude, beliefs, and behavior all play a significant role in your state of happiness. Having said that, we also need to acknowledge that some aspects of happiness are biological, as genes contribute to it. Therefore, that part is outside our control. Myth #3: Accomplishments make you happy. Fact: The satisfaction you feel from an accomplishment is real, but it is also short-term.

Expectations usually lead to disappointment. Here are some expectations about happiness that I have heard over the years: 1) You should be happy at all times. 2) It's your spouse's job to make you happy. 3) Your children should always be happy. 4) Buying the latest things makes you perpetually happy. 5) The only way to be happy is to achieve the American dream. The problem is, if you chase that unrealistic dream, you inevitably feel frustrated and stressed when you fall short. (Sigh.)

Here's a breathing exercise to try: When you feel stressed, sit in a quiet place (preferably in the woods), close your eyes, and breathe in love from the universe. Then, upon exhalation, breathe out compassion for all those who suffer along with you.

As you continue to breathe, think about all the positive things in your life and be happy with what you already have. Take another slow, deep breath and consider adopting new behaviors that could enhance your positive emotions, such as giving more sincere compliments, doing favors for others, being kinder to yourself, or simply smiling more.

Spend time with people who energize you. The quality of your interaction with others is a major factor in happiness. Therefore, before you end this meditation, evaluate the quality of your current relationships. Taking one more deep breath, open your eyes, and journal in your Book of Shadows about what you learned.

How to Reduce Mental Stress
Let's start this topic with a relevant metaphor, shall we? Adding stress to your life is like drinking saltwater from the ocean: it only makes you thirstier, and things get worse. Far better it is to sit and relax on the shores, knowing that the tide (like stress) will inevitably come in and eventually retreat.

Mental stress can manifest as negative thinking and excessive worrying. Fretting is like putting a binding spell on yourself that prevents you from fully enjoying life. Worrying is passive and counterproductive. While you are agonizing, your mind imagines all kinds of terrible scenarios. Then, your body reacts to those negative thoughts by producing various stress hormones unnecessarily. So, you are basically turning your bloodstream into a toxic waste dump! (Oh, for the love of the Goddess. Stop it!)

You may be surprised to learn that most of our mental stress is not caused by real events, but rather by the fearful anticipation of those events. It is our fears that make our minds assume the worst. Instead of being passive, take some positive action to improve things. What kind of positive action? (Thanks for asking.) Well, it is up to you. It all depends on your situation. Personally, I prefer to go sit on a moss-covered log in the forest and let Mother Nature give me suggestions.

In our careers, we sometimes put stress on ourselves because our egotism tells us that we must be better than our competition and more productive than our coworkers. While it may be profitable for the company, is this hyper-competitiveness beneficial to your mental health? What good does it do to get the honor of being chosen as Employee of the Month if the price you pay is an ulcer?

Then, there are other times when we may intentionally cause unnecessary stress in our intimate relationships because we think it will make things more exciting. But don't confuse excitement with aggravation. I know couples who purposefully start arguments with their partners to heat things up or try to make their mates jealous. (What a mistake!) The added tension is neither romantic nor arousing; it is irritating! (There, I said it. Well, somebody had to.)

It is important to recognize and handle stress early on because prolonged tension can lead to a number of stress-related diseases. I find it beneficial to imagine talking to my stress to find out what it wants. Try this mental exercise for yourself and see how it works for you. What is your stress trying to tell you? Find out what it wants you to do. Then, make reasonable adjustments to your life.

Here are three practical suggestions that can reduce your stress: 1. Get proper nutrition, hydration, and sleep. 2. Engage in light exercise like stretching or yoga to help your muscles relax. Of course, first check with your physician. 3. Practice daily meditation, including diaphragmatic breathing. This can help you let go of ruminating thoughts and accept the realization that everything is in a state of constant change. Wanting things to stay the same is analogous to fighting Mother Nature's natural order of things. This, in turn, causes tension, conflict, and stress. (What's the saying? She changes everything She touches, and everything She touches changes.)

How to Let Go and Forgive
What is forgiveness, and more importantly, what is it not? Forgiveness is letting go of the resentment that you harbor towards someone or yourself. Pagans may refer to this process as releasing negative energy. A common misconception about forgiveness is that it somehow relieves the offender of responsibility. Forgiveness is not saying that what the offender did was okay. Nor does it obligate you to reconcile with the perpetrator. It is an expression of your compassionate spirit and your belief that all people have the capacity to get better. Forgiveness is about letting go of the past, not enabling current abuse to continue.

No matter how intense our negative feelings are about the offender, our resentment doesn't hurt that person; it hurts us. How? To begin with, it hinders our spiritual development and depletes our energy. It holds us back from enlightenment. Therefore, understand that holding a grudge is of no benefit. However, there are benefits to letting go of bitterness. Forgiveness lightens our spirits and frees us from negative energy, allowing us to move forward with our lives. It's like a fledgling finally able to fly free from the nest. (Whee!)

Or maybe, you would prefer this metaphor instead: Breaking free of resentment is similar to a pupa incased in a chrysalis longing to emerge as a butterfly. You are emotionally confined if you hold onto resentment. If you want to liberate yourself from your mental prison, learn to let go of bitterness. And, yes, just like the struggling pupa, it takes work—sometimes, a lot of work. But, in the end, it is well worth it. Your spirit can be as free as a butterfly that has broken out victoriously. (Insert the sounds of applause here.) Personally, I found that the more I forgive others, the happier I become. You see? You create peace from within. No one else can give it to you.

Perhaps a simple nature exercise would be beneficial at this point to illustrate a hands-on technique for releasing stress and resentment. If you are able to do so safely, pick up a dried leaf from under a tree. (Make sure it is not poison ivy, poison oak, or anything you might be allergic to.) Hold the leaf in your hands and metaphysically place all your resentment into that old leaf. Then, bury the leaf just below the surface of the ground. As the leaf decays, so, too, will your resentment as you slowly let go of bitterness. (Aww.) Remember, forgiveness takes time. So, take it gradually.

To wrap things up: the combination of life satisfaction, relaxation practices, and letting go of resentment is a three-fold path. Just as the moon has three phases (waxing, full, and waning), and life itself has three stages (birth, life, and death), so it is with your overall well-being. You need the three-fold blend of happiness, stress management, and forgiveness. (It's a magickal potion.)

Let me leave you with this final thought about happiness, stress, and forgiveness: Some say the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. And it is tempting to think that you can be happier there. But (listen carefully now) instead of jumping the fence, why not just water your own grass?