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The L.O.A., Magick, and Love Magick

This post was written by Donald Michael Kraig
on September 9, 2010 | Comments (7)

Recently, I received this question:

I work with somebody who is my best friend, but I’d like him to be my boyfriend. If I make a picture of us together, and focus on it, will it manifest itself in this reality? In other words, does the LOA work with people?

The LOA or Law Of Attraction is an occult concept that goes in and out of fashion. It was recently (re)popularized in the book The Secret and the industry that has developed around that superficial treatment of the subject. Here is the response I sent to the questioner:


I know that sounds like a very easy question, but it actually has a LOT of issues to it.

Does the LOA work with people? The simplest answer is “yes.” But it’s not the COMPLETE answer.

The LOA works 24/7, not just when you focus on a picture. If you spend 5 minutes a day focusing on the picture, but then spend hours during the rest of the day thinking about other guys, wondering what’s “wrong” with you because he isn’t your boyfriend, and just focusing on things that are in opposition to your conscious desire, the LOA will bring you exactly what you focus on: not to have him as your boyfriend. Oh, I know your conscious desire is to have him as your boyfriend, but that is not what you’re creating.

Your actions have to be congruent to your desire. Perhaps the best way of expressing that is in the old saying from Aesop to whom so many fables are attributed: “The gods help those who help themselves.” Specifically, merely focusing on a picture will get you nothing other than spending time looking at a photo. You also have to act and DO something. For example, if he likes women who wear certain types of clothes, you have to dress that way. If he likes women who are interested in sports or dancing you need to start being a sports fan or enjoy dancing. Just looking at a picture won’t get you anything. It can help you focus your direction and intent, but then you have to follow through and do something to back up and support, 100%, what you’re doing with the photo.

Finally, and most importantly, let me turn this around. Let’s assume that just looking at a photo actually worked. How would YOU like it if the nastiest, ugliest, most disgusting guy you knew used the technique to force you to become his girlfriend? My guess is you would hate it.

Forcing someone to do something against their will has a common name: black magick. This is negative and hurtful, and as a result of the laws of action and reaction, it will eventually come back on you and make your life miserable. I sincerely doubt that you would want that.

But is there something you can do? Absolutely! The trick is not to try to force another to do something against their will, but to let them know, on a psychic level, that you’re available. For example, concerning the guy you’re interested in: he has a lot of qualities you like including his appearance (height, hair color, weight, eyes, etc.), vocal quality, interests, etc. Take that picture of yourself and make a symbol for each of the qualities you like. For example, perhaps a ruler with a “6” on it for “six feet tall” and a clip of a photo showing the top of a guy’s head that has just the hair color you want. Make this “treasure map” as complete as possible.

Then, spend a few minutes each day looking at the “map” and imagine or visualize a person with all of those qualities being drawn to you–not a specific person, but a person with all of those qualities. Imagine what he’ll feel like, smell like, sound like, etc. Imagine what it will feel like to be with him. Imagine a date with him and what will happen. And most importantly, how will YOU change as a result of being with him?

During the day, think about how you will change. Manifest that in your life. Will you have other interests? Start developing them. Will you wear different clothes? Start wearing them. Will you have a different hair style? Get it cut that way. In other words, become the person who will attract the type of boyfriend you want.

The result will literally send out a magickal or “psychic calling.” If the guy you’re interested in is looking for a girlfriend, he will hear your “call” and be attracted to you. If he isn’t looking for a girlfriend, he won’t be attracted. He retains his free will. However, even if he isn’t interested, other guys who have many or all of those characteristics will heed your call and become attracted to you.

The key is not forcing someone to do something against their will. Rather, it is to change yourself so that a desired person will be attracted to you. This has a sort of “fail-safe” built into it because if you try to change yourself too much you will feel unhappy and uncomfortable. Only change within your limits.

Good luck!

What do you think? Would you have advised her differently? What would you have told her?

Reader Comments

Written By Brian David Phillips
on September 9th, 2010 @ 7:25 pm

Don, thanks for posting this. So many folks make assumptions that the LOA is a new thing when it’s not. Of course, when I see the LOA abbreviation that so many now use, I habitually think of something else first which also reinforces the realization that Law Of Attraction as concept has magickal roots . . . and just as the loa may bring good things to one, it is at a cost of service, the LOA requires service . . . a magickal exchange . . . if you don’t DO something positive that moves you in the direction of the change you seek then all you’re doing is sitting on your butt looking at a picture.

Thank you for suggesting to the woman that she be a bit less specific in her work . . . honestly, her desire for this particular man is more fundamentally one of desire for companionship and love. If we focus on only one possible outcome in love – a specific individual – we are playing with dark concepts of ownership and psychic emotional slavery or worse . . . however, if we recognize that what we really are looking for is the companionship, love, and security this person represents to us we can then set ourselves free to allow the universe to bring us Companionship, Love, and Security in a way that has many more positive possibilities for us.

Too few folks turn to the likes of LOA for Manifesting their desires as a means to gain very specific outcomes or persons or things . . . down that path often lays disappointment, sorrow, and desperation . . . just as the folks who use voodoo or love poppets for specific outcomes regarding others are stepping onto a dark path of karmic payback, darkness, sorry, and soul-wrenching pain.

In my opinion.

– Brian

Written By Christian Fisher
on September 10th, 2010 @ 9:57 am

I’m glad you suggested that she become the kind of person who will attract the boyfriend she wants. I think, in terms of suggesting a magickal act for her, that was a good piece of advice.

Written By Kyle
on September 11th, 2010 @ 4:17 pm

Great post! I have a comment and question. First, my comment… one line struck me as potentially controversial, but I’m glad you said it: “For example, if he likes women who wear certain types of clothes, you have to dress that way. If he likes women who are interested in sports or dancing you need to start being a sports fan or enjoy dancing.” Many people would scream at this line and say, “but why should she change who she is to attract a man? Shouldn’t she just be herself.” But I personally feel changing aspects of yourself is not being false to who you are, but potentially door-opening. If I like a man who is into sports and I force myself to watch football against my will, I could very well come to the conclusion that, hey! I like football! If I change how I dress to catch the attention of a guy, I could increase my self-esteem by realizing my identity is not static, but can be quite malleable. I find doing this can often clear some cobwebs, too. Doing new things often breaks static habits. And I think that’s cool and enriching.
My question is, let’s say I want to attract a man and I aim for certain qualities, but some qualities I “must” have and others I “prefer” to have, but aren’t as necessary. Say, for instance, that I am solely attracted to men over 6″ tall with dark hair. As you mentioned, I would create a “map” representing those qualities that I really want in a man. But, say, I *prefer* that he have blue eyes, but wouldn’t be upset if he didn’t, and I *prefer* that he be an artist, but I wouldn’t turn him away were he an accountant, how could one fashion a magick spell where you focus on the “must haves” without necessarily leaving behind the “just like to have”? Is it better to just leave the blue eyes and artist qualities out of the map, or is there some way to incorporate them without giving them the some prominence as the six feet and dark hair? (NB: these are just examples of qualities for ease’s sake…any physical/emotional/behavioral quality can be put in their place)

Written By Donald Michael Kraig
on September 12th, 2010 @ 4:20 pm

Hi, Kyle.

I’ll be making a blog post referring to your first comment because I’ve received a lot of flack about it that stresses one of your points. Please bear with me!

Concerning your question: The more passion and emotion you can include in your goals (relating the Yetziratic world), the more powerful and successful the magick will be. That’s why magickal goals are more successful when they’re real needs, not merely mild wants. In a map used for any magickal purpose, focus on the needs or “must haves.” Include everything that, if left out, would be a “deal breaker.” If something really doesn’t matter, don’t focus on it.

Here’s a way around that to include the “I’d like if possible” along with the “must haves.” Make a visual map of your desired magickal goal (with you included in it) that features all of your must haves along with preferences. When doing focused rituals with the map, stress the must haves. You unconscious mind, through what is seen, will also work with the preferences, but give them lesser importance.

Written By Heather
on September 12th, 2010 @ 7:17 pm

“For example, if he likes women who wear certain types of clothes, you have to dress that way. If he likes women who are interested in sports or dancing you need to start being a sports fan or enjoy dancing.”

I totally disagree with this. You do NOT need to change who you are in order to make someone else like you. No-one should do this.

Written By Denise
on September 13th, 2010 @ 8:06 am

I agree with others who’ve stated you shouldn’t change yourself. Changing yourself in order to meet the perfect guy or have the Mr Right you’ve had your eye on for a while, is NOT the way to go. Stop looking for the potential mate in every person you see and simply see them unfiltered, with eyes wide open, as friends first.

If the right spark is there to begin with you’ll feel it right away. Hopefully they will too, but if they don’t you cannot force it. That’s interfering with free will. And changing yourself so much to make him notice you isn’t being true to yourself. Be yourself, and the right one will certainly follow when the time is right because they like you for who you truly are and not who you’re trying so hard to be.

Forcing change upon yourself never works adn it gets old and exhausting trying to maintain that facade and that’s exactly what it is. A facade, one that will eventually crumble, revealing your genuine self and they might feel disappointment or even betrayed because they’re now feeling misled.

Be real, be true, but be friends first.


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