At the start of the New Year and with Valentine’s Day soon upon us, many people naturally view this as a time for new beginnings—especially in love and romance. While it may seem a great idea to kick-start your quest for love with a little well-placed spell, remember that this is a very tricky area and it should only be approached when you’re emotionally, mentally, and physically ready to open up to a new relationship. Are you really over your ex? Do you know what traits you value most, to look for in a new partner? Do you have a clear idea of what you won’t put up with anymore? Do you even have time in your busy schedule to let someone in, and make it work?
Mind you, these questions are not meant to discourage anyone from finding a mate, but to illustrate that unless you know what you want, you really don’t know what you might end up attracting into your life with a poorly thought-out love spell. If you possess a crystal clear intention, emotional maturity and a willingness to do the work, then you’ve already won half the battle. Without these in line though, it would be foolish to try to use magic to “make things happen.” It would result in a relationship that simply doesn’t have legs, or worse—it could reinforce your same old worn-out patterns (the ones that aren’t working) or attract someone you can’t stand!
Dianne Sylvan is familiar with the old predicament—to cast or not to cast a love spell—and she gives sage advice in her book The Body Sacred.
When people come to Wicca, and to Witchcraft in particular, they are often immediately intrigued by the idea of casting a spell out into the universe and reeling in a true love. It’s been my observation that love spells are usually the first kind new Witches cast—and the first they end up regretting.
There are problems inherent in most love magic. First of all is the most obvious: manipulating another’s free will is not kosher among Wiccans, so that rules out doing a love spell on a specific person. From there it’s hard to know how to proceed—how specific can you be without “accidentally” throwing a real person in there? But if you’re not specific, who knows what the universe in its infinite humor might conjure up for you? “Let go and let God” isn’t a popular motto for Wiccans; we usually feel that the gods have already given us their gift—the power to weave reality—and that to put every matter into their hands without working on our own behalf is a kind of ingratitude for that gift. We’re given magic as a medium for change as much as speaking and walking; clearly we are not meant to leave it all up to deity.
Love, however, is one of those things that, if it’s real and not some pathological codependent obsessive impostor, can be appreciated no matter how it comes. Who doesn’t want more love in their lives? The second problem with love magic is tied into this — very often we cry to the gods for a lover when that’s the last thing we need; it is nearly impossible to conduct a healthy adult relationship if both parties aren’t healthy adults. If you haven’t even started working on your own emotional issues, do you really want to pile someone else’s on top of them? Magically speaking, like attracts like. A basket case will bring in basket cases.
Therefore, it seems it would be wise to get your personal house in order before casting about for someone to share your chaos and mood swings with. The best way to avoid a codependent relationship is to be happy with who you are without needing outside approval in the form of a significant other. There are many ways to do this. Stacey Demarco guides the reader through many self-esteem and self-love exercises before getting to the “Spell to Attract Your Ideal Partner” in her book Witch in the Bedroom. Let’s face it, if you’re not willing to do the groundwork, you may not have the clearest idea of what your soul and spirit truly desire. If you are willing to do the work though, Demarco’s book is the ultimate workbook to focus your mind — and your magical intent.
Demarco writes, “By building our self-knowledge, self-trust and self-esteem, and by exercising self-care, we are well ahead of most people in developing a healthy, connected, relaxed, vital, engaged and loving mind, body and spirit. Being the best we can be enables us to attract better and better things into our lives—including people and relationships. We can then step up into what we want, rather than settle for what we falsely think we can only have.”
It makes sense, doesn’t it? That’s the problem with love—it can be so irrational and consuming that it’s hard to think things through before jumping into the cauldron head over heels. But read some books by these wise women and you’ll be better prepared to find your true heart’s desire when the time comes.
So, am I going to give you a Valentine’s Day love spell here? Um, no. Everyone’s needs are different, and the first step toward a successful love spell is knowing what your needs are. Work on self-knowledge and self-esteem above all else. The next step is to open up to attracting—and accepting—these gifts into your life. Here you’ll find an excerpt from Witch in the Bedroom on increasing attraction, and an excerpt from Stephanie Rose Bird’s Four Seasons of Mojo to heal and prepare your heart to let the love flow in.
Neroli Affirmations After the flurry of holidays, sometimes there is a downturn in mood by the time Valentine’s Day rolls around. This is multiplied if you are single, on the verge of a breakup or widowed. These affirmations are useful healers for a variety of reasons. Are you sick of seeing and smelling roses this time of the year? Try neroli absolute or essential oil—it is a spiritual oil that builds confidence where it is lacking and cheers up the spirit. You can do this in three different ways, depending on what is available to you:
Excerpt is from Four Seasons of Mojo by Stephanie Rose Bird
- Place a bowl of fresh oranges you have carefully selected on a piece of furniture or on the sink near a mirror.
- Dab neroli oil (sparingly) on your pulse points (temple, wrists, back of the knees, etc.).
- Mist your face and hair with neroli hydrosol (also called orange flower water), then say each affirmation as you look in the mirror.
- I accept myself as I am
- I welcome the person I am becoming
- I surround myself with love
- I forgive myself for the mistakes I have made
- I forgive the harm brought to me by others
- I am ready to move forward
- Blessed Be!
What can you do to increase attraction?
Excerpt is from Witch in the Bedroom by Stacey Demarco.
- Concentrate on yourself first.
- Establish self-care, self-trust, self-esteem and self-knowledge so you can be authentic and who you need to be to attract who you wish.
- Be proudly authentic and gentle in your execution of your uniqueness.
- Know your purpose and have a vision.
- Don’t settle for partners who do not fulfill your criteria and with whom you do not experience a combination of biological chemistry and spiritual chemistry. If there is no spark, there is no lasting combination.
- Engage in life.
- Continue learning.
- Create room in your life into which you can welcome a relationship. Creating a void means that nature will fill it. If you know what to fill it with, there is a high chance you will achieve it.