Sooner or later, every one of us becomes aware that we cannot exist alone. It is hostile to the human condition: we can’t procreate, we can’t really know ourselves; we can’t get on with life without the cooperation of others. Indeed, no person is an island.
We are taught and groomed to marry; to do otherwise is off the path. There must be something wrong with that person who is not in a relationship. It’s no wonder that astrologers see clients continuously who have intense concerns and questions about relationship, that state of living deemed mandatory by society but for which little specific instruction is given for fulfillment. It is extremely difficult to relate to another, to live happily ever. In days past (but still practiced in some cultures), marriages were arranged. People were put into relationship to fulfill societal and family benefits. The marriage unit was more important than the individual growing into his or her potential.
The Heat Is On
All cultural reflections of life-epic tales in history, literature, and song-pursue not just relationship, but the ideal relationship! The pressure is on in our social interaction even before school age, even in our dreams, to fulfill role prescriptions as boys or girls and to find someone with whom all will be perfect. All this is to fulfill the Biblical and social doctrine to go forth, be fruitful, and multiply.
And how difficult this process is. We conceive the ideal mate and search for him or her. We expect the mate to show up. Pop culture (Hollywood) tries to help, and ideals get blown extraordinarily out of balance. With every birthday tick of the clock we measure who we are—our appearance, our attractiveness, our desirability, our social position—in terms of how successful we are in the mating game.
Astrologers and psychologists know well that people fool themselves into recognizing the perfect relationship too early, in order to escape the home life with their parents, to gain some autonomy and freedom, to get the relationship mandate off their backs as soon as possible. Precipitous marriages occur most often between ages eighteen and twenty-two. The unreal ideals projected from one partner onto another—she’s perfect; he’s a dream come true—are bubbles that burst within six months of togetherness. Working as a team, earning a living, and raising a family introduce struggle and fatigue. Painful disappointments follow, and a routine of blame and frustration patterns itself into the individual lives. Erstwhile lovers can become punishers. Within relationships people can become even more alone than before; they give up who they are.
Introduce to the relationship quest the dimension of sexuality—that primal power-drive no one can easily talk about until it’s too late—and the entire issue becomes volatile and explosive. A failure in relationship becomes a failing as a person. Frustration and embarrassment lead to criticisms; criticisms lead to rejection; rejection leads to abandonment.
Astrology to the Rescue
What can the astrologer do to help with this complex dilemma? In the horoscope astrologers can see the concomitants of self-worth development, the capacity for feeling lovable or not lovable, giving love easily or not easily, welcoming relationship or fearing it. Astrologers can see to what degree individual needs that drive normal early development are thwarted by parental influence. Astrologers can easily explain why relationships become the battleground upon which to work out early home tensions and parental interactions.
But there are good relationships, good marriages. And astrologers can see that, too. Astrologers can even answer questions about “soul mates,” about when there might come into life a strong candidate for relationship…even when the client is in his or her eighties! There is always hope, and the longer one lives, the more one learns. Multiple marriages certainly attest to that.
Fine Tune Your Therapeutic Abilities
Astrologers can learn to work with individual needs, interaction with the parents, the development of defensive and isolating behaviors, and the ways development can be adjusted to open the door to real relationship. Astrologers can help their clients understand intimacy, how one can trust self-development and not perpetrate idealized expectations, not fear criticisms, not repeat parentally modeled patterns of underachieving relationships. Astrologers can learn these psycho-relational therapeutic abilities through careful study of Intimacy, Sexuality, & Relationship.
Client and astrologer can learn together that the distance between us and others is only as great as the distance between us and ourselves. Astrology introduces people to themselves rationally, positively, productively.