Writing Mapping Your Sex Life was a trip, as I truly do believe that astrology can help you in every area of your life, so why not your sex life?
When I say that I am a Sun sign Scorpio, some of you readers are going to say, well, all right—she ought to know! Others are going to expect something really dirty. But those of you who really know about Scorpio will be thinking something entirely different. You’re thinking, when she decided to write this book, how did she overcome Scorpio’s natural reticence about anything that is essentially a private, profoundly personal matter?
First, I decided not to discuss this book with anyone in my family. I talked about it with some astrologer friends, and with people at Llewellyn. I told my family that I was writing the book, but that’s all.
Then I looked around for a good sex model for an example. Mata Hari appeals to every side of my Scorpio nature. She was not the most elegant or beautiful woman to come down the street, but boy, did she have magnetism! Her Spy vs. Spy mentality, her love of travel and intimate intrigue, her ability (except at the very last) to remain aloof from her sexual partners and her ability to make herself into a star in her social circle all caught and kept my attention. For myself, I don’t plan to die in front of a firing squad, but I do find her story … exciting, for lack of a better word.
I have done my research (another Scorpio thing). No, I didn’t take a page from the Masters and Johnson book of empirical research. I have spent thirty years studying astrology, working with clients, and working with my own chart. In my psychology practice, I met all sorts of people, each one unique. Generally they were willing to give their birth information to me. I compared what clients told me to their charts and evaluated the results. Often they revealed their sexual fantasies through conversation or in dreams.
You might expect that people whose lives are severely troubled may not be living up to their birth chart’s potential. Actually, the problems themselves are usually an accurate reflection of the difficult aspects in the chart. What clients want is a way to overcome their difficulties. They want to turn their problems into assets. Understanding sexual problems is certainly possible with astrology.
What I discovered about sex is this: it’s an integral part of each person’s life. It’s not this one thing you never talk about, can’t get help with or keep locked up. I also have found that sex is best in private. Anyone who brags about sexual exploits is very likely not happy with his or her sex life. Sex is one area of life where privacy is a good thing. Very Scorpio thought, right?
Astrologers look at issues of sex and death in the same area of the chart—the Eighth House and Scorpio. Sex is potentially procreative, so it is about life, and the beginning of a new life. Where does death come into the picture? I feel that to get the most from your sex life, you have to be willing and able to surrender. You surrender to the passion of the physical moment, and you also surrender a part of yourself to your partner. It’s a “little death” for the ego. It’s a little death for your personal desires when you strive to satisfy your partner.
Another central key to a successful sex life, in my opinion, is respect for your partner. To establish and maintain a long-term sexual relationship, you have to respect the needs and desires of your partner. Without respect, one partner will inevitably be dissatisfied.
Finally, both partners have to find ways to create sexual excitement. Going back to privacy, there is a lot of excitement in keeping your sex life secret. You can have code words only the two of you understand. You can conjure up memories with a drop of perfume. And you can care for each other’s body, even when sexual pleasure is not part of the immediate picture.